Dear Diary
by CrystalXHeartlace
Summary: Ssssshhhh it's a Secret. So KEEP OUT!
1. I Saw Him Today

Dear Diary: I Saw Him Today

Dear Diary,

I saw him today. As a matter of fact I see him every day. I see him when he walks in the hallways, I see him when he talks, and I see him when he is at his locker. Which happens to be diagonal from mine in the senior hallway, about seven feet in distance.

That's all there is between us, distance that is. That's all we ever known. I mean last year we had Algebra 2 together, which was the first class in all throughout high school we've ever had together. I took every opportunity to sit as close to him as possible. Any attempt of conversation was halted by my own nervousness or the teacher when my courage was ripe.

So instead I choose to admire him, like I have done for the past, _oh my gosh_, nine years. In those nine years I have watched him grow from a short chubby kid with a cute face, to a grown man with rippling muscles. Throughout all the changes he had remained unfathomably kind. He is blonde haired that is short and cropped in the front. Semi thick eyebrows with blue eyes. A thin nose and full pale red lips. He has one of the strongest jaws I ever seen, and a beautiful smile that gives me butterflies when I see it. He is a little bit taller than me, so about 5' 9'' in height, and his weight is pure muscle at 185lbs. His torso is perfect, Masculine chested with abs leading to somewhat narrow hips. He is broad in the shoulders and a solid kind of thick in the arms, with warm, manly hands.

I know this because during our school musical last year, the entire cast linked hands for a rendition of 'We are the World' at the end. I got to hold his hand at every practice, because I am conveniently right next to him.

If you are ever lucky enough to get close to him you would know that he always smells amazing. He uses this cologne that embodies the ocean in a bottle. It is so like the ocean, that even the air around him is crisp. I always like to imagine standing so close to him on a warm and breezy day. To me, if that were ever to happen, it would be just like standing on the beach.

On another note, he is also musically gifted. He was in the choir, and he knows how to play several instruments. Including; Piano, Drums, Trumpet, and the Guitar. His voice is so enticing he leaves me reeling when the song comes to an end. One time about three years ago he and I were in another musical together, Annie Get Your Gun, and before the show we were in the band room along with one of my friends, Madge. We asked him if he could play the piano, which I knew he could of course, and he said he could. Madge asked him to prove it, and he brought it. I specifically remember playing Sara Bareilles' Love Song, Rhianna's Umbrella, and Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror. He was soo amazing; I couldn't take my eyes off of him, like I normally force myself to do to avoid awkwardness.

That was when I asked him to play the new Thousand Years by Christina Perri. Words cannot describe how beautiful it was, however it was cut short because I started bawling my eyes out at the sheer perfection of the moment.

Oh Diary, I can't help but loving him from a distance, when I know I cannot love him in person. I will always cherish the little moments we have and will share together. From the Hello's to Musicals. I must be a masochist to love someone I know will never be able to love me the same way. You know Diary, I'm usually the one everyone comes to with dating life, and my advice is excellent down to the T, but how come I cannot get my own love life straight.

Would that make me a hypocrite Diary?

Love Always,

Peeta

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**Yet another Peetato Fanfiction from me. Will I ever stop, can I get a H*ll to the No!**

**I plan to try and update this story everyday, and I promise future chapters will be longer. It shouldn't be to hard, because I already have the chapters planned out. I just used this chapter as an introduction, which is probably why it's so boringly short.**

**XOxXx,**

**Crystal Heartlace**


	2. The Mistake That Is My Life

Dear Diary: The Mistake that is My Life

Dear Diary,

I forgot to mention one tiny little detail last time. It's the reason why it's so awkward between us, and why I don't really have the courage to talk to him. Because he already knows I'm crushing, and have been crushing on him. Then again, I've never really had the courage to talk to him, even though I know he will talk back and be nice to me. Even when he was right there in Algebra 2 or one of the musicals, never have I ever been able to hold a simple conversation because I'm too scared I will say something I shouldn't or something he doesn't want to hear.

I think he found out around the time we entered 9th grade, about five years after we met (which was in fourth grade). I think all that time before ninth grade he had an inkling, but I think he wished to remain ignorant, rather than deal with the truth. I pulled a stunt with leaving him a 'love letter' in his locker with only my initials. I was desperate for love, because living here is the worst thing for a gay guy, because we are so rare here. I've never been loved, and I craved it most of all. Nobody would be stupid enough to not know whose initials they are.

When we entered ninth grade I was emotionally messed up, dealing with depression because the pressure to come out of the closet and face a whole torrent of torment was high. Everyone knew, heck I've known since seventh grade after an incident of seeing nude boys, and actually taking notice. I was put on Abilify but after a severe allergic reaction, that hospitalized me for four days, I refused to take medication and decided to deal with it on my own.

The time passed by us, and wouldn't you know it February 14th was here yet again. I was single, yet again. I pulled a stupid stunt to get his attention, yet again. Oh Diary, could you possible guess what I did?

Now every Valentine's Day I make cards for the people I hold dearest and give them their cards. Well I handed them out like always, but instead of giving him a card in person, I used a passed to go to my locker. It was also signed with only my initials. I walked out into the hallway but I didn't go to mine. I went to his locker and shoved the card into the vent, but it gets worse. I taped fifty Hershey's Kisses to his locker… in the shape… of a heart.

It was passing period when first saw it, and at that time our lockers were on opposite sides of the hall. Get this though Diary, he blushed. He actually blushed at my gesture, but when his friends teased him about it he shrugged it off and collected the kisses. For a moment there Diary I thought I had finally done something right, but as the days passed on and there was still no call, text, or simple email. It was then that I realized that I had failed, at yet another attempt.

-Sigh-

This all leads up to the time I actually told him, told him I like him a lot. I must have been out of my mind, or on some sort of confidence high, because I would have never done that in the right state. It was 11th grade, in algebra II. It was just like any other day in that class; the teacher would preach us on things that aren't important to me, especially when he is in the room. Then we would spend the rest of the time working on homework. However we have mutual friends in that class so when we did get time to do our work, Me, Him, Clove, and Serena would go to the front of the room and sit on the ground. We would all work and help each other while talking. Just. Like. Any. Normal. Day.

So why then, you may ask me Diary, did I tell him? To be truthful I don't even know why, I cannot remember the exact day, but I do know the conversation that started it all was boys. Clove ad Serena were talking about boys in the school and they asked me who all I thought was date-worthy. I listed off a few good men, but I also said his name. Just blurted it out there like it was nothing.

He paused what he was doing and said "Wait, what?"

I must have been real balls that day, because anyone else would have just smoothed it over with a lie, but not me, oh no, not me though. I repeated what I said.

"So you think I'm date worthy?" he asked.

"Oh I think you're much more that date worthy." I said honestly. All the while my subconscious was screaming;

_Get a grip boy! He is straight! Say it with me now: Straight. S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T. Straighter than a pencil. Straighter than a bullet fired from a marksmen's sniper. Straighter than the Bering Strait. Ugh, am I even getting through to you Peeta, no? Well f*ck it then, I give up._

He blushed that famous blush I see him do. You know Diary he really is a great guy. He's sweet and charming and the nicest jock you will ever meet. He is smart as well, and when you total all of that together it's called "Damn-near Perfection".

"That's nice." Was all I got from him before he buried himself in his studies again.

Oh Diary, why must I do this to people, myself included. It's like my second nature to make things awkward. Well at least I can't creep you out, you're just a book. But to me you're more than a book I write in. You're a constant companion who is always listening to me, even when I'm not listening to myself. You put up with me, when no one else will/

You know what? I think I love you.

Love Always,

Peeta

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**I hope you enjoy this story, cuz if you don't I don't give a rats ass, I'm Cher Bitch!**

**lol jk, i was doing impressions while publishing this chapter. **

**Please, please, please review!**

**XoxXx, **

**Crystal Heartlace**

**P.S. Don't forget to spread La Mer on your toast in the morning!**


	3. Gettin Physical

Dear Diary: Gettin' Physical

**Sorry about the long wait you guys, I hate to disappoint my readers. I was sick with mono, and sadly I didn't get it by kissing anyone :(**

** But on a happier note, I'm feeling better so let's celebrate with a brand new chapter!**

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Dear Diary,

Yet another thing we have in common is sports. I don't like sports because they inspire conflict and pointless feuds, but there is nothing in my power to do anything about it, yet. They say if you can't beat them then join them, and that is exactly what I did. I joined the cheerleading team my freshman year, because I love the feeling of inspiring other people. We are there to help them, and cheer them on; a purely positive sport. I do, do competitive cheer, but there isn't any risen conflict between squads, except for the Diva's that I personally like to shove of the stage in an 'accident'. It's like the world forgot about the real purpose of sports and that is to bring us together and have fun. They get so caught up in scores and records that forget the sentimental value of it all.

He on the other hand, plays football in the fall, wrestles in the winter, and throws discus for track and field in the fall. That is another reason why I joined a sport, so it would coincide with his. I love watching him during practices and games, and when I cheer I cheer for him. No one else really matters to me.

As I've said before he plays football in the fall. If I'm lucky enough, while I'm doing the splits I will get to see him, shirtless, running drills. His number is 71, and he is a tight end for our team. He's pretty good at it too, an average of 13 tackles and 2 touchdowns a game, remarkable really. I attended every game he played, given that I was cheerleader, but I would have done it anyways. For some reason he was always easy for me to spot out in the sea of testosterone, and after I flipped some what's her name into a back tuck basket toss, I would instantly find him and watch.

The seasons would blend together mix fall with winter storms, and winter with colorful leaves on the trees. Winter happens to be my favorite season. The snow seals the deal for me, I mean it's so beautiful and picturesque you can always feel the magic in the air. I daydream on going on a sleigh ride with him; pulled by two palominos in a candy apple red open carriage. Instead I settle, well I'm not really settling, for wrestling season.

Oh how I love the wrestling season so much. In case you didn't know the national outfit for wrestlers are singlets, and they reveal a lot. The best way to describe them is to picture a unitard, cut the legs to the length of booty shorts, then cut the torso to a V-neck tank top that comes as low as the sternum. Give it a school emblem and BAM! You've got a singlet, with a fabric change to, extra tight spandex of course.

A typical wrestling match last one to two hours depends on the number of schools. Two hours of watching high school men roll around on mats together, trying to pin each other. That to me is one of the pinnacles of erotic. We don't cheer for the wrestling team, in fact varsity cheerleaders cheer for the basketball team during the winter. Being Co-Captain of the squad (It wasn't that hard; I am one of three boys on the team and I've got more spirit than the two of them together), I can order the Junior Varsity to extra cheering, if I felt it necessary they needed more practice. So, three other girls and I cheer for the wrestling team, because that's who we are; good sports who happen to cheer for certain sports.

All in all his performance in wrestling is actually better than his football performance. He has been to state all four years of his high school career and he has won three of them. And he is even sexier in a singlet than his football jersey.

The snow melts, and so does the Thanksgiving/ Christmas Diner combo weight (Or at least I wish it would). So the spring sports begin and cheerleading ends, for good. So what is my excuse for watching the practices, and attending every game, only to stay for the discus? Why I am simply interested in track and field. Yes he is also good at discus too.

~xXx~

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't anything he can't do. A well rounded individual, some might call him, but I think he is so much more. He is gifted in every aspect of his life. He's got it all while I have nothing, but I'm not jealous I'm actually happy for him. It's just that he is everything I have ever and will ever want out of life. If I could have one thing that would always keep me happy, and always be satisfied with life, I would ask for him.

_A glued piece of paper I wrote in Calculus class_

A list of things about him for Diary;

He is kind, a sweetheart, and a charismatic youth

He is a strong and confident individual, with a powerful sense of determination

He is well built in every part of his body (Ah-Thank you very much!)

He is a gentleman full of courtesy and respect for others

He is a good listener

He has the most amazing sense of fashion, more than any straight boy I know

My favorite outfit he wears consist of

Blue suede shoes (Ironic really)

Tan slacks that hug his cheeks real good

Whit button up

Matching blue checkered sweater vest

And the cutest blue bowtie

He is to die for

He has a great knowledge of right and wrong

He isn't afraid of anything

Great taste in music

Honestly Diary the list could go on and on if you wanted it to, but I fear you would run out of paper before I run out of words.

Love Always,

Peeta

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please, please, please review.**

**XoxXx,**

**Crystal Heartlace**


	4. Spring Break

Dear Diary: Spring Break

Dear Diary,

My spring breaks consist mainly of me doing…absolutely nothing, so usually I have nothing to write about. This year, however, I decided to take a trip south with a group of students organized through the school. It took some time convincing her, telling her I will be lonely going with people I barely know, and how she has absolutely nothing else to do, seeing as how she spends spring break with me. We settle on suntan lotion rubs, unless someone hot offers.

So Delly, Me, and other people including him all met up at the school that Saturday and packed our stuff into compartments under the bus. We raised enough money selling candy bars and having bake sales to rent one of the schools personal charter buses, and to pay for the private housing for when we're down there.

So, on the bus ride there, this is sixteen hours long on average, we all played games to muffle the boredom. I got to know each of them a little bit better, or at least learned all their names. A short, but mighty girl named Clove, A bulky and dimwitted yet somehow still attractive Marvel, A strong and silent dark kid Thresh, young and social Rue, a blonde Barbie by the name of Glimmer, Him of course, a reedy kid who was top of his class Tekk, A dashing and buff Finnick who was the source of every girls wet dream, a clever ginger who is also sly and coy though not necessarily in that order Jennifer, athletic and down to earth Katniss and lastly her sister Prim.

The entire trip I was stealing glances at him at every chance I got. Several he caught me staring, and I would start blushing, but he never said a word. As of matter of fact he practically ignored me the entire bus ride. I didn't let it bother me too much, seeing as how I am not an attractive woman, or attractive at all in that matter, so of course he wouldn't take notice.

No notice in all the things I do for him. The make-up I wear to make me more glamorous or the perfumes I wear. I take notes on all the girls he's dated so I can act like them. The way I style my hair based on how many times he's looked at it. The clothes that I wear; nothing at all. Maybe one day I will wake up and realize that he doesn't me in the way that I want him. For now I think I will enjoy my ignorance while it still exists.

When we finally arrived on the sunny shores, and white beaches it was just about noon on Sunday. That would give us exactly a week to enjoy ourselves until we leave on Saturday night. One week with him is going to be pure bliss, I just know it.

When we planned this trip, we deemed it only appropriate that boys bunked with the boys in one apartment and the girls in the other. So I followed the rest of the boys into our sunshine filled apartment, and immediately searched the place. Two bedrooms and one bath, but a balcony with a hammock and a living with a pull out couch were available. The one bedroom had to twin sized beds that were immediately taken by Marvel and Him. Finnick took the other bedroom, which left Tekk, Thresh and I to the living room and hammock.

Okay lets rock paper scissor for the hammock, while the other two dudes bunk on the couch." Tekk said. With a meaningful look at him. "It's only fair."

"Fine" was all I said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Thresh said waving his hand.

"Rock"

"Paper"

"Scissors"

I lost to Thresh, and then he lost to Tekk. This meant that I would be closer to Thresh than I have ever been. The more it thought about it though, I started to hyperventilate, he is kind of intimidating he could easily hurt me if he wanted to, but I'm pretty sure he is more of a timid person than he lets on.

The following Monday, was the day we met our chaperones for the "school based" trip. Apparently if the school knows about the event then they have rights to butt in. A man by the name of Gloss and a woman by the name of Johanna arrived in a cherry red corvette and delivered the news that they would be the adults here. Most of us are already eighteen so it doesn't make any since, but they aren't going anywhere so I guess you learn to live.

It turns out that they can actually be pretty cool when it came down to it. They treated us to lunch at a local restaurant, The Lighthouse, where I ate an endless supply of mozzarella sticks and marinara sauce. We all chit chatted away about how awesome it is to finally be here. That night we all went to the beach and had us a nice little bonfire. We roasted s'mores and shared ghost stories that were way too cheesy to even be considered real. When we turned out, I pulled out the couch for us and plopped onto the left side and turned my back away from him. He wasn't awkward about it last night either. We simply said our goodnights and fell silent listening to the distant ocean.

Tuesday was a great day for me. We went surfing, which means we wear wetsuits! I personally love the feel of tight clothing and seeing a full body wetsuit on him is to die for. It's like the singlet's he wears for wrestling, only he is wet for this one. I crashed more times than I stood up, but that could easily be because I was distracted by a certain someone. After surfing together I and the girls laid on the beach to tan, while the boys played beach volleyball. I burn easily so I decided not to lie down in the sand as long as the other girls. I got up and went over to the boys and asked to join in.

"You think you can handle playing with the big boys?" Marvel said snidely.

"I've been playing with big boys since I came out of the closet, and you ain't no big boy." I said sweeping my eyes up and down his body.

The other boys snickered.

"The question is, is do you think you can handle playing with me?" I asked with unknown bravery, volleyball is MY territory.

"Of course you can, we short one person anyways." He said.

I was hoping he would be the one to come to my rescue. I joined the team of Tekk and Thresh, while the Golden Boys played on the same team. It should be typical, they have the best team work seeing as how they play sports together, but I do know Marvel is jealous of Him, and from time to time he lets it show.

Marvel started the first serve, right into my corner. Marvel thought that I couldn't play, but to be honest volleyball is one of my fortes. I set it up for Thresh, who in turn spiked it at Finnick who countered it with a bump, but it went out of field, winning us the ball.

I served up the ball to Marvel, who bumped it back, Tekk jumped for it but it went passed him heading for the ground. I dove for the ball, and hit it up high enough for Tekk to underhand the ball to the other side. It went straight to him, who sent it over the net in my direction. I ran up and spiked the ball down before it could ever cross the net.

I gave Marvel a smirk and blew him a kiss, which really pissed him off. I know it sent him over the edge to be bested, but hey I have skills.

I served it again, and again, and again. My rein as serve seemed endless, till they got the better of Thresh and Tekk who both went for the ball at the same time.

"Game's pretty intense, but I think it's a bit onsided don't you think Marvel?" I said in a sugar sweet voice.

"You're forgetting we have the ball, and our best player is serving." Marvel threw back. "We will be back in the lead in no time."

"Care to put your money where your mouth is?" I said slyly.

"What's the stakes?" he said eager to gamble.

"If I win we switch places in the sleeping arrangements. It's not that I don't like Thresh, it's just a bed would be more comfortable, and my own bed at that." I said.

"What about if I win?" Marvel said.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Ummm let's see, how about you… have a wrestling match with me. I would be delighted to kick your ass for your cocky mouth." Marvel said laughing.

I came up to his face. "Fine."

It was his turn to serve and I knew that they were going to target Tekk now that they know I can really play. He served to Tekk, but I interceded, sending it flying to the back boundary right into Finnick's waiting hands. he set it up for Marvel who spiked it across the net, where I set it up for Tekk who bumped it over the net in a clumsy attempt to claim the ball. Marvel came up to the net and tipped it over, where I smashed the ball, right into Marvel's stomach.

"Game point, our serve." I said turning away to take my spot.

Marvel mumbled darkly.

Thresh was up to serve, and when he served it, he served it with power. I wailed the ball right in the center field, their open spot. Marvel tripped in his attempt to back up, and Finnick volleyed the ball up in a ducked down attempt, but he didn't get it high enough for Him to send it back. The ball hit the ground and rolled to the side of Marvel's head.

"Ha, I Win." I said sticking my tongue out at Marvel, high five my team. "If you still want that wrestling, I would be more than happy to oblige."

That night I slept in a bed two feet away from my crush. I laid awake, watching the serene form of his face without expression. The moonlight cast beautiful shadows on his face. It was then that I recognized the downfall of my plan.

…Morning Wood.

Wednesday we all pitched in to rent a boat for dolphin riding. For the most part of the trip there was nothing going on, so we threw a little boat party, consisting of dancing a box of sea salt crackers and cheese. The music system blared and the ladies and I danced to the beat while the boys sat and talk, occasionally glancing at us.

At sundown we started the boat back up and headed to shore. The dolphin watching would have been the worse part of the trip down south, if it weren't for the dolphin that had raced alongside our boat as we headed for shore.

Thursday was a complete bore. Our 'leaders' had nothing planned for us so we just lounged around, surfing the web and not the waves. This was the worst day; because it was the day we had our wrestling match.

As a soft and feminine boy, I should tell you I have no idea or interest when it comes to wrestling. So when Marvel challenged me, a chill went through my spine, knowing I was about to get my ass handed to me, and not in a good way. We cleared the living room to make room for this event, and when we grappled for the first time and swept me from out under my feet, I knew it was over. He simply had a huge weight advantage over me, and when he pinned me to the ground he proved that.

Then the most peculiar thing happened. Looking back, I think it's a little bit curious for him to mushroom stamp me on the face. At the time however, I felt it was just to humiliate me any further. He whipped his stick out while holding me down with his knees, and pressed it to my face. It was absolutely humiliating and no one did a thing about it. Even worse I felt a stiffy working its way up. Don't get me wrong I don't like Marvel at all, but his physique is fine as hell, and the sexual act he committed turned me on.

It was then that I discovered I'm heavily into BDSM and love to be abused.

Friday was our last day as a group to spend spring break, and the sinking feeling that everyone felt was heavy in the air like humidity. Or was it actually the humidity?

We had breakfast at an Irish pub, where I ate the biggest burger of my life. Lots of laughter from the adults in the building, but also from us as we chatted between mouthfuls of food, and a few spit takes from jokes. It was like a family in that pub, or as close to one can get with people you just officially met six days ago.

For the remainder of the day we spent it swimming in the ocean. We swam, and splashed, and played around until we exhausted ourselves into wading in the shallow parts of the water. We talked of what it was going to be like for all of us going back home, which eventually evolved into all of us sharing stories of home. That turned into conversations of the future and future family plans and who we had our eyes own. It was that conversation about who we had eyes on that I actually lied to spare us from the awkward.

The sun had fallen during the conversations and the moon hung at high noon in the sky. The moon light up the beach, into white sand, pearly crest and ink water. It was beautiful really. I got up without a word and started to walk along the shoreline, still embarrassed from the conversation about who we liked. They may have played ignorant, but we all knew the truth behind my lies. We all knew that I liked him a lot, so much it could be love, but we all did what I intended just to spare us the awkward.

As I was walking I felt a tap on my left shoulder, which I turned to see who it was, when no one was there. I turn back to see him out the corner of my eye walking with me.

"Some week huh?" he said in attempt to start a conversation.

"Yeah, definitely not what I expected." I said.

"And what did you expect?" he asked.

I long decided that I would be honest with him, it's kind of moot not to since every time I try and lie to him about him I blush.

"I expected to be tortured here, all for the sake of just seeing you." I said.

"Huh." Was all he said.

"Does me liking you really bother you that much?" I asked. "Cuz if it does, I would be more than happy to make you happy and leave you alone."

"It doesn't bother me at all." He said sincerely. "But you need to back off just a little bit."

I turned away from him, on the verge of tears. "If that is what you want." I started to walk away when he grabbed my arm.

"I didn't mean for you to get hurt, or upset. I don't like being the cause of people's problems. But you need to understand-"

"I understand completely." I said, shaking my arm from his grip and running away. I couldn't hold it all in before I could get back to the privacy of my bedroom. I cried as I ran, and I cried when I entered the apartment. I cried as I got ready for bed, and I cried myself to sleep.

Saturday was an even worse day that Friday. I talked to no one, not even Delly, too depressed to be happy. The week has ended, and so has my life. I hated myself for making him uncomfortable like that, and I hated myself for ever liking him of all people. Lastly I hated myself for being who I am.

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please, please, please review.**

**XoxXx,**

**Crystal Heartlace**


	5. Hungover You

Dear Diary: Hungover You

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**Ugh, you guys must be thinking I'm binge drinking this weekend with my new chapters about getting drunk. Lol**

**I promise you guys that I am completely sober, I wouldn't trust myself to write when I'm drunk!**

**Anyways here is the new chapter so enjoy!**

Dear Diary,

There was a time in my life from October to the End of March, when I had to deal with things. It was a rough five months in which I came close to realizing that he will never love me. Close, but not close enough. So I had to cope, and what better way to cope with an emotional crisis, than with a couple of bottles of 80 proof.

It all started when I had got the notion that I was spending a lot of time home alone. At the time he was dating someone, and whenever he starts to date some I get heartbroken. This time it hit me hard because he went back to his ex, again, and I had actually made progress with getting closer to him. I thought I actually had something going on with him, or at least a chance for something spectacular to happen.

My mother always has alcohol in the house because she is a regular drinker. So it was pretty easy for me to access her triple distilled Smirnoff and get wasted. I drank and drank until my thoughts were jumbled and my movements stumbled. Sure it was great to get out of my mind for the night, but it's not all fun and games. Rule number one, something I learned after this, is to never get drunk alone. When you drink alone, you're left with all your thoughts and that wasn't pleasant for me. My thoughts had been about him, and of course when I think of him I am instantly sad, and I was brought to tears. Sad depressing thoughts built up about how no one will ever love me, and I will die alone and I'm not good for anything but my body. As a result of drinking by myself, my depression worsened.

The next time I drank, however it was with my friends, I made sure of that. We have older friends who would get anything we wanted, for the right price. We would get drunk and I would actually enjoy myself. I became a bit promiscuous, but nothing happened because lucky for me, I'm the only gay guy in Panem County, Yay! We would get together every other weekend and we would get drunk, but I was always reminded of him when I sobered up, so wasn't it pointless for me to get drunk?

Then at one of our parties, we invited more people. Usually it's just our inner circle of friends on the down low at our parties. But we invited some of our other friends because we were getting quite a reputation for throwing parties and they were putting the pressure on us. Our new guest drank with us, but they also brought a little herb for us as well. It was the second time I had ever gotten high, but the first time ever being high and drunk. It was the best experience ever, or at least what I could remember of it. We invented a new term for this kind of situation because we did it so often, Blazizzled we would call it. Yet not even being Blazizzled could keep the pain away.

So what did I do? We increase our partying amount of course! We would throw parties at my house every weekend. I would even get caught by my mother sometimes because I didn't clean up my mess well enough, but she didn't do a damn thing, do you know why though? Because she doesn't care what I do! She is just as much of a drunk, as I have become. Having parties at my house became so cool that when my younger brother found out, he just had to join in. I tried putting my foot down, but he is a persistent brat, so if he wants to screw his life up too, why not.

Then I moved out of that house and into a nearby county. I would still be attending the same high school, after long arguments with my mother; we would drive to school every day. I was a senior in a high school that I had attended my whole life, so why shouldn't I graduate there as well? So when I left my old house in January, what happened to all of our famous partying? Well one of my best friends (not in our inner circle, at the time she was only friends with me); her parents went down south to her grandmother's house for a winter vacation to build a house they would eventually move into.

That was when the real partying began. Her parents wouldn't return til the middle of February, so that meant free game on house parties. We would party every Friday and Saturday for the entire time her parents were gone. The parties got bigger, with more people who I actually bonded with. The biggest party we ever had had about fifty plus people. This of course isn't that big to some people, but in a small community a party that big should have the police banging on the door. A lot of memories were made and drank away. We had memorable moments that not even alcohol could erase. Like the time I dominated the beer pong game table with three different partners (I was always the bitch), or the invention of the Hot Latina, invented by the host herself, who happened to be Latin. A Hot Latina is a mixture of Vodka, Blue PowerAde, and Mountain Dew, and it was delicious. With just the right amount it obscured the taste of the large amount of alcohol in the drink, the taste of which I cannot stand truthfully. Other memorable moments, was the phrase, no balls, in which if someone no ballsed you, you had to do something, like chug a drink or carry out a dare, or do something outrageous. We drank so much at her house that we even made stupid decisions to drink on school nights as well. There's nothing like going to school with a hangover, with all the bright lights and loud noises.

But wait there's more! Her parents parent's postponed there return to the end of March. When the end of March came around only her mother came back, because her dad had chosen to stay down there, so he could finish up the house they were building.

When all the partying had ended, I decided that it was in my best interest to stop drinking. I started drinking to get over him, and it had spiraled out of control into a hardcore, no balls drinking recession. I was still reminded of him on a daily basis. I went to school with him for crying out loud. You can't drink your sorrow away, when you are constantly seeing the cause of your pain.

So take my advice, Diary, if you fall in love with someone or something you cannot have, brave it out. Do not go looking for alternative coping methods, tough it out. And when do find your true love; whether it is a composition notebook, or a titanium pen, I hope you invite me to your wedding. Lol, I love you Diary.

Love Always,

Peeta

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please, please, please review. Always remember that drinking underage is illegal, and harmful to your development. Also remember that drinking in excess can cause Alcohol poisoning, and drunkeness which causes about 2.5 million deaths a year worldwide. Don't drink while pregnant, and don't drink if you are ill. Please consult the webernets for any further information.**

**XoxXx,**

**Crystal Heartlace**


	6. Reality Hurts like a Btch

Dear Diary: Reality Hurts like a B*tch

**Yeah it does.**

* * *

Dear Diary,

I found out that He and I were accepted to the same college. I got my acceptance letter three days ago, after a six month long wait. It was a private college that only accepts people with promise or potential, and it offered a unique course in Peace Studies, which was the reason I applied in the first place. I found out two weeks ago that he got accepted; because he was wearing the college shirt they give you to congratulate you on your acceptance.

It was like fate has had it's hand in my life. We all know that there is no way that we both applied to the same college and got accepted to it, without some divine intervention. I swear Diary on my life that I didn't know anything about him applying to the college. You will never know how much it felt right when I found out, like it was meant to be. A second chance to get things right with that straight man I love so dearly.

When I found out I immediately fantasized about what my future would hold with him in it. Chances are that we would be rooming together, we are in the same class and from the same school, and the college would most likely dorm us together because of that. We would spend a lot of down time together studying in our dorm, and we might even be attending for the same major, but I doubt it. I believe he wants to be a physical therapist while I want to be a forensic psychologist. There might be a few classes we would have, since therapy is a required field for both our majors. That and including all the general studies classes you have to take we we're bound to see each other sometimes.

On the romantic side of the fantasy I dreamed that he would come to terms with himself and accept my love. Or maybe he would want to experiment, like a lot of people do in college, and there I would be ready to fulfill my duty of being the lifelong gay, he's known forever. Maybe he would get over his fear of what society would think, and just get with me. We would take long walks on the campus at sunset. Have dinner at a local restaurant, just the two of us. We could go on long drives into the sunset, on a night on the town, where we would never stop. We could enjoy the city lights, I would climb through the sunroof and shout to the world about how happy I am, while holds onto me by my leg.

We could have totally pushed our beds together and snuggle every night, and (maybe a little something, something) before we went to sleep. We could watch movies while it's raining outside, or when classes are canceled, or when we are both at home (our dorm) for the weekend.

I wouldn't care what we did, as long as it was with him.

Then came reality, and it hit really hard. When I told a mutual friend of ours that I got accepted, she told me that he wasn't able to go because of tuition cost. It was a slap in the face for me as well, because I had to focus on my own financial situations. I was jobless with only a single mother, but I did have money in the bank, but it was nowhere near enough to cover all of the tuition. I realize that we both got accepted and we both couldn't go, I actually cried. What kind of sick plan was fate weaving in its loom?

I had to come up with a backup plan, and that was community college. Now sure it's not what I wanted, it wasn't even my second choice for college, but I had a plan. I would attend community college for two years, getting all of my general studies, then transferring over the private college to finish off my college career. It was an ingenious plan that would save my sixty thousand some dollars of tuition. So I applied and immediately the next day was accepted, thus putting forth my plans to work. I may have lost him for college, but I'm sure I would be able to find someone in college that would peak my interest like he did. Will I ever forget him, of course I wouldn't. You never forget your first love, even if the situation is complicated. I will always see him for reunions too. Diary, I think that I might be trying to convince myself that I'm not going to lose him next year, when it's clear that I am.

Most of my girlfriends are going to the same community college as me anyways, so I won't be on my own. It's going to be fantastic, just like high school really. Except I cannot dorm with my sisters. We won't have classes together, or we might but it's a fat chance. Yeah, fantastic.

Times are tough, and they are never fair to the homosexuals. I will never marry my price charming. Heck! I would be surprised if I ever got married. I just know three things. I won't marry him, I will always have an ache in my heart, and I will never ever be truly happy.

* * *

**Things are getting pretty tough and the end is near. Will they ever be able to be together? **

**Anyways tell me what's on your mind. If there is anything I am adamant about, it is speaking your mind!**

**So Please read & review and let your voices be heard.**

**XOxXx, **

**Crystal Heartlace **


	7. Forget About IT, Sir

Dear Diary: Forget About IT, Sir

Dear Diary,

So you must be wondering why I waste all my time chasing after a guy I can never have. Why doesn't he move on and find someone new. Well I've tried three times in my life to get over Him and try to start a new life. All three attempts ended in disaster, leaving them heartbroken and in a state of a mess, while I really couldn't care less. Mind you, this all happened before I resulted to alcohol to ease my pain, so at least I tried.

The first guy I tried to date came to me while I was seventeen and he was twenty one. He wasn't much of a looker but he did have a nice body. He also happens to be the same guy I lost my virginity too. It all started when we exchanged messages, talking dirty to each other. I wanted to lose my virginity for some god forsaken reason, and I let him pick me up from school. We went over to his place and popped in Kung Fu Panda and cuddle on his bed. He had a roommate at the time, but she was at work, leaving us all alone. It started out innocent with just a few sensual kisses on the neck from him, but I could tell what he really wanted. I could say it was my inner psyche that told me but he also had a raging hard on in his pants that I could feel. I wanted it too, really bad, I've spent months preparing myself for the moment I lost my virginity and here was the perfect opportunity.

I rolled onto my back and asked him, for the dirty. Which, of course, he obliged my desire. After the deed was done I thought I had done something wrong, because I felt no orgasm or built in climax. In fact the entire time we were fucking, I was laughing. Who does that in bed, I always thought you did a lot of groaning and moaning, along with some screaming. I later found out that size does matter, but so does the motion.

We met up again later that week, because I wanted to give it another try, just in case I did do something wrong. We ended up driving to the outskirts of my hometown and hooking up in the back of his car. I got the same results as last time, only it was a little more cramped. He was horrible in bed, and I, being a freshly broken virgin, even knew that.

The end of the relationship ended the same day. He drove me home, telling me I love you to whom I replied "I feel absolutely nothing for you, I'm sorry but this wasn't what I'm looking for." I had broken his heart and left him in the dust without even realizing what I had done. Would I have done anything differently? I would have kept my virginity.

~xXx~

The second guy was also a hook up, and we we're both on the same terms as well. I was spending the weekend at my grandmother's house, and he lived in a nearby town. I had received a text from him, saying he found my number on Facebook. It had been eight months since I lost my virginity, and I hadn't received any since. It also happened to be the day before my birthday.

He drove out to my grandmother's house while she was away at work, and I was all alone. We sat on the couch and talked for a while, getting to know each other before the inevitable happened. His name was Brutus, and he was a linebacker at his high school. This was a complete turn on for me; I've always got a kick from footballers. He was a year older than I was, in his senior year.

I couldn't stand not getting him out of his clothes. I wanted him and I wanted sex, bad. I attacked him in mid-sentence, crashing my lips against him, feeling his rock hard abs and smooth pictorials. He was a sloppy kisser, but what lack in that department he made up in the lower compartment if you know what I mean. I could feel how big it was through is jeans, and he was packing. I straddled him sitting on his lap, soaking in that hard feeling. I leaned my head back so he could give me kisses on my neck. His hand slid down to my waist, to where he was met with my own boner. I looked into his eyes; the hunger in his eyes mirrored my own. I knew what was going to happen before it did.

I shed off his letterman jacket, and led him to my designated room at Grammy's. I locked the door with a sock of mine hanging on the door.

Three hours later, we came out of the room where I made him dinner. I believe it was my famous spaghetti and garlic bread. Simple to make, yet charming and romantic. I am proud to say that we both gobbled that up until the pan was empty. Sex burns up a lot of calories, and a linebacker is the epitome of calories. By then night had fallen.

After dinner he had helped me with dishes, which was kind of odd, but it melted away with bubbles being tossed and smeared on our faces between kisses. It took us a complete hour to wash a few pots and pans, and dinnerware for two.

Then he left, and hadn't seen him since. He neglected to mention before sex, that he was moving away in two weeks, so when he eventually told me as he was getting into his car, I was surprised, but I had played it off coolly. I watched his car disappear into the horizon. I turned back to go inside, and a thought crossed my mind. I could have been happy with him for the rest of my life, too bad it was only a booty call, and I had made it a point to remind him of that very fact.

~xXx~

The last guy was a huge mistake. I had met him a local Rave, which was surprise because in my community gays simply don't exist. So finding one, a cute one at that, here was great. I love to dance, a lot and the Raves are perfect, safe, outlets for me to shake my thang, and show all the straight guys what they would be missing. I see it in their eyes, they wish they could have me for just one night, but society pressure simply doesn't allow that. So instead they play it out with their girls, wishing it was me. I don't go to Raves very often though, once a month, because my diabetes demands that with strenuous activity, comes a great big meal.

_I had been suffering with it since I was eight, or at least that's as far as I could remember. I was finally diagnosed at the age of fifteen. It was then that I got the question of a lifetime. Do you want insulin or do you want to control it by diet? It may seem like a simple question, but it altered me as person. I chose to control it with my diet, with a renewed justice. I want to lead a life in psychology, and I want to help my patients recover in the most natural way possible. In a world consumed in drugs, there is no room for nature._

Back to the Rave. I was dancing with my lady friends, as I always do. Occasionally insert myself in between to complete strangers just to spice things up. That's how I make friends at the Rave, I put myself out there. It just so happened that he and his best girl friend, were the ones that I came between. I saw him picking up my grove early, so I decided to show him what I really got.

As the beat builds I move my body in a wave motion, which builds into a crump, and right before it drops, I practically vibrate my body. I don't know how I do it; I just do, but hey if you got it, flaunt it! When the beat does drop, I drop… to the floor. And pick it up slowly. Then I WERK my booty off shaking it better than Shakira if I do say so myself.

The instant I felt his hand on my lady bum I knew I had him hooked. So I took him home with me that night. The poor boy couldn't keep his hands or his lips to himself. He wanted me in a way that has only happened twice in my life, sex. So I gave it to him, I figured I had a chance of making it last if he wanted me this bad. Then the problems came.

He was C-l-i-n-g-y- clingy. He wouldn't stop calling me, we constantly had to talk or text or skype. It was as if he was up my ass (ah- thank you) he wouldn't leave me alone. And when we were together, he was always touching, obsessing over me. It got to the point where I had a screaming match with him, trying to get him to realize that we were through.

When he finally left, he wasn't done. He was constantly showing up at my house, to which I would never answer the door. He would try and message me over and over again; I have hundreds of messages from him. Thank god we moved when we did, is all I have to say. I ditched my phone and blocked him on all websites, completely getting rid of him.

.

.

.

So Diary, now you know that I had tried. I tried to replace him with lackluster substitutes and where did it land me. I was meant to be with him I just know it, how else can you explain all the problems I have dating other men. I'm done settling with other men, I am going to get what I want, or die trying.

* * *

**Tell me what you think, what you are thinking, or what you thought about my story!**

**Please read & review and let your voices be heard. I am listening.**

**XOxXx,**

**Crystal Heartlace**


	8. Author's Note

Dear Diary: Author's Note

Dear Readers,

This is the _**story is my life**_. Literally, my life or more specifically my _**love life**_. I know I've made huge mistakes in my life, especially when it comes to searching for love. This story is about everything I've been through since I was seventeen, now I am almost nineteen. Every chapter, every paragraph and _**every word is true**_. This is the reason why you have so many questions, because my life is one big question. I got the idea to write about it from one of my friends;

Who told me, "Your _**love life is like a bad romance movie**_ that I would watch _**over and over again**_."

While I was insulted I also thought of the possibility of writing about my love life. Being a gay alone in a society that _**doesn't accept you**_. It's hard to find love over here, but I've held my head high for the world, but no one knows my struggle within, the _**emotions that I hide**_ just to avoid personal question.

I inevitably agreed with her. I was ankle deep in Peetato fanfiction writing, so I thought I could use the characters of the Hunger Games as alternate identities for my story. I was destined to be Peeta, and my crush of nine years would definitely be Cato, there is such a striking resemblance between Him and Alexander Ludwig. The rest of the characters would play the people in my life. It was such a perfect fit for me.

You may have noticed that have never said Cato's name in any chapter that I have written.

This story is actually very therapeutic for me; it makes me feel better writing about it somehow. It makes me happy. Today I found out that the private college I had wished to attend to is giving me a huge scholarship to go there, so instead of community college, I will be attending there in the fall. I will be majoring in psychology and minor in criminology in order to achieve my dream of being a forensic psychologist.

_**I have been debating whether or not to tell you guys, my readers and my extended family, the truth behind Dear Diary. Truth can be a scary thing, but I trust you guys enough to tell you, I love you guys in unique way. **_

The next chapter, which will most likely be the last, is going to be completely _**fictional.**_ It's going to be _**what I want to happen**_, NOT _**what is going to happen**_.

It's my own happy ending.


	9. You Haven't Seen the Last of Me

Dear Diary: You Haven't Seen the Last of Me

Dear Diary,

"Woooo, turn it up." Screamed Dahlia as she put herself through my sun roof.

"Get down, or I'm going to get busted by the po-po hoe." I shouted up to her, jerking her hand down.

"You're no fun what so ever." She said as she re-buckled.

"You know better than that, besides if I get busted you would be stranded, trying to bail me out before prom, while I try and keep all the prisoners away from me." I said.

This was the conversation between Dahlia and I on our way to the city to pick up a tux for me. Dahlia is the girl, whose parents were away for like two months, in which we took advantage of and drank til we dropped. Anyways we are going to prom together, because last year I didn't go because I was a stooge, and I was not going to miss out on my senior prom. I asked her because she is my best friend and we're practically twins, except she got the Latin blood out of the deal.

We have just this one day to get everything in order for prom, because miss thing in the passenger seat works every single day this week at Subway. She was recently hired there, but not only did she get the job she also got the hot boy that works there too. Hot Cousin Kyle we call him because one of our friends is also his cousin. They are absolutely cute together.

Did I mention that Dahlia and I are practically twins? Well it just so happens that we share more than just a brain. Hot Cousin Kyle and I made out in Dahlia's bed, while we were hammered. I had been on a quest that night to get him to admit he liked boys, and it worked a couple of hours later. Dahlia, of course, knew about this, and to be honest I don't want him so she can have them, with my blessing. I am sincerely happy for her, because she rarely gets attention for boys, let alone hot ones.

"Did you hear who was on the prom court?" she asked.

"I was there when they announced it, remember?" I said.

"We all know who you want to be your Prom King." She teased.

"Shut up…" I said sheepishly.

She sighed, turning back in her seat to face the road. "I hope he does make Prom King, if anyone on that list deserves it, he does." She said.

"I know honey, I know." I said.

We pulled into the Men's Warehouse's parking lot, and parked. We walked into the store holding hands. most people would interpret this the wrong way, us holding hands, but that's just a thing we do. We can practically read each other's mind while we hold hands. It's how communicate our private feelings while out in public.

The best thing about her is that she totally gets me, and being twinsies that should come as no surprise. I believe that's why we became so close, so fast. We understand each other better than anyone else, hell even better than we know ourselves.

"How may I help you?" said a delightful young woman said.

"We're here about tux rentals." I said.

"Right this way sir." She said, leading us into a back room. "A consultant will be here shortly."

"Thank you." I said.

We sat down and flicked through some of the catalogues left for guest to read at leisure. I saw several suits to my liking, and several models, but I was here to coordinate with Dahlia. She was wearing an elegant coral colored dress that had nothing to do with our 1920's theme. I was going to wear a black pinstriped tuxedo, with a fedorable fedora. Underneath would feature a coral vest and bow tie. Perfect down to the same shade.

Once the consultant appeared, and listened to my request, he went and fetched the idyllic suit, a perfect match to my description. I slipped into the suit to try it on, and it was a little loose, so he pinned it in the proper places. I slipped back out of the suit and he promised to have it ready for pick up in two hours.

We went to a nearby floral shop to pick out our matching corsage and boutonniere. We ordered a gardenia with silver trimmings. Simple and sweet, and no clashing with the coral.

"They're so pretty." Said Dahlia.

"I told you I knew what I was doing."

"All those Boushie B*tches, are going to be so envious that I have such a great date." She said kissing me on the cheek.

"You are pretty lucky; I'm the most thoughtful of prom dates." I teased.

"Because you are soo gay that you already had your wedding planned out at the age of seven?" she teased back.

"Exactly, I just know what needs to be done and I do it, simple as that." I said.

"Those kinds of things are usually left to the woman." She said.

"We both know when it comes to gender roles I would be the woman, although I would have to contest, and so would my…pelvic, organs." I said, squeezing a laugh out of her.

~xXx~

On the drive back home, I mostly thought about what prom is going to be like for me. There will be lots of dancing and a lot of paying attention to him as he dances with someone else. I hate myself for making me do this, but I need to go to at least one prom.

"I'm totally going to write you in for Prom Queen. I would love it if you won, the school could use a bit of diversity." Dahlia said.

"Yeah, except my motives are totally selfish; I want that crown." I joked.

"Gayyyyy." She said

"Straaaaaight." I said.

"Touché."

I dropped her off; sad to see her go, but she has to go make me a sandwich. Well, other people sandwiches.

I drove home with only my thoughts, driving parallel to the sunset. Such beautiful colors make this time one of my favorite times of the day. Kick back and relax with a strawberry wine cooler in a lawn chair watching the clouds roll by with a gentle breeze. I see the future on the horizon, yeah life is good now.

~xXx~

The limousine pulled outside of Dahlia's house, courtesy of her grandma, while I was putting on the finishing touches to her hair. I was doing a Breakfast at Tiffany's Audrey Hepburn style complete with a tiara of likeness to hers. I put the final touches on her makeup, going with a more natural look. I spun her around, revealing her in a defining moment. She was stunning, and she was in complete shock when she saw herself in the mirror

"Wow, you're gorgeous." I said, stunned.

"Thanks." She said blushing.

I tilted my head a bit, "I look good in coral."

"You really do look to die for," I said in all seriousness. I pulled her out of the bathroom, grabbed our tickets, her purse, corsage, and the boutonniere, and we were out the door. I heaved her dress so she could get into the limo with minimal damage to the dress.

The inside of the limo was black leather. The back cab was extended enough to seat eight people, four on each side. The middle held a table with a small tub of ice, and sparkling cider sitting coolly in the middle of it all. Complements of the owners I suppose.

"Wow, this is amazing." I said as though in a trance. It was like living a Hollywood dream that every gay boy dreams. The luxury of life in a car, stepping off the cover of a magazine. Tonight is the night of stars for me and all my friends. Dahlia gave the driver all the others addresses he need to pick up the rest of the gang. We picked up Madge, Katniss, Delly, and all their dates, squeezing in the limo. The guys sat in the back while the girls faced opposite of us. It was a bit awkward for us; we weren't well acquainted, with the boys I mean. But Katniss cracked open the bubbly, and poured us all glasses and toasted to the night.

"To Prom, To Us, and To Dancing until we faint." She said, everyone clinking glass with everyone. The cool liquid fizzed in the back of my throat on the way down.

"That hit the spot," I said belching to a chorus of giggles.

We pulled up to the main entrance of our school, where Promenade was being held. Greeted by thousands of twinkling lights, we entered the school and made our way to the back of the auditorium, more lights guiding us on our way. We checked in, in pairs. Everyone with their own dates.

We rounded about through the auditorium to go back stage and waited to be called on stage.

"Peeta and Dahlia." We began our slow cadence onto the stage, careful not to step on her dress. We emerged from behind the black stage curtains, waving to the crowd and keeping our posture as straight and formal as possible. We halted, Dahlia gave me a twirl, and then I gave her a twirl. Waving to the crowd again we stepped off the stage, and made our way to the very back of the auditorium. All the prom goers crowded in the back waiting for everyone else to finish. When they did finally finish, we made haste trying to get out the auditorium. Several people tripped over dresses and their own two feet.

In our commons room, we all lined up to take our pictures. The scene was cardboard cutouts of people from the twenties. The backdrop was a scenic path of greens lit by old fashioned, gas lamps. While waited for our turn, we chit chatted about where we were going to eat. This turned into our favorite dish. This turned into our favorite kind of cuisine. This turned into our favorite country and where we would visit if we could. This turned into us fantasizing about British celebrities, particularly male celebs like David Beckham.

It was then that I saw him with his date, who also happened to be his ex. He was getting his picture taken, god he looked so freakin sexy in his tuxedo. That broad on his arms doesn't know the half of it. She doesn't know how I would kill her if it meant that I could have just one day with him. She doesn't realize how lucky she really is to have him. If she did she wouldn't have ever let him go. I turned around to avoid the inevitable eye contact that happens when you stare. I re- emerged into the conversation that was now about boobs.

Posing for our picture came natural to me. We previously decided that we would do something crazy and totally gay just to piss off the school we hate. So what happened was Dahlia posed like a man, flexing arms with her fist by her hips, unnaturally still. On the other I posed with the duck face and my hands on both my cheeks while my knees were bent and I was leaning forward. Flash, a permanent memory of us.

Regrouping we left for Coco China, some Chinese restaurant that everyone likes to eat at. I personally don't like seafood, but I was told there was chicken as well. Which turned out to be true, because I had two helpings of Sweet and Sour Chicken on rice. We didn't get the chance to talk much, between mouthfuls and laughing to much at jokes of someone's dispense. We were on a time crunch, given that the actual Prom started an hour after we arrived at Coco China. I did note that Delly's date was uncomfortably close to me, his leg brushing against mine more times that it should have it was an accident. Great another thing I have to deal with, well maybe if I keep it a secret I could get laid tonight. On the other hand I would have to deal with a heartbroken Delly.

Decisions, decisions.

~xXx~

Prom was being held in a neighboring town, in a place by the name of The Mirage. When we arrived at The Mirage the outside looked substandard to the name it holds. It looked like a small bland building, in which a couple hundred, beautifully dressed people were gathering. Pulling up in a limo, all eyes were on us, and I felt a bit exposed. No one else in our town could afford to rent the limo, heck no of us could afford it all by ourselves, but since we went in a group it was easily paid for. Nevertheless, we were the center of attention.

One by one we step out, boy first then his date. Dahlia and I were the third ones out, and probably the best looking too. To prove it, when we enter The Mirage we were bombard with complements, especially on her makeup at which she would give me credit for. I was even asked to do a girl's makeup next year, at which I respectfully declined due to the fact that I will be long gone.

The party was just beginning, and no one but the class weirdo was dancing, by himself. No one paid him mind, he was a bit loopy in the head if you know what I mean. My group congregated around the chocolate fountain where I helped myself and Dahlia to chocolate covered strawberries. Delicious, but what was the best out of it all was the amazing punch. A great concoction that might have been pink lemonade, sprite, and rainbow sherbet if my taste buds are correct. I most definitely have to get the recipe later.

I spun Dahlia away from the food and to a table on the far end. I claimed it for my group and some coming friends that would eventually arrive. I waited by the door with Dahlia for the one girl who loved to dance just as much as I could. Cashmere.

Cashmere is this petite woman of my age who dances as well as I can. We personally draw inspiration from each other to dance better. Whenever we dance together we draw off each other, practically dancing in sync. She is a blonde at heart and birth, but a redhead from the bottle. My height, and in all actuality is the only girl that I have ever loved on a deeper than friendship level. She knows this of course, and of course right now I don't feel the same way anymore. We developed our relationship that rivals siblings.

Any who when she showed up I was ecstatic because I was ready to dance. People in our school don't like to draw attention to themselves for fear of being ridiculed. Let me tell you, when you are gay, you get used to the ridicule. But that isn't what everyone had on their minds when we, Cashmere and I, started to dance. They were gagging on our talent. If you ever see a stripper combined with a go-go dancer, you would know what our dancing looks like in general. Of course we know how to ballroom dance, tango, salsa, polka, etc. but you dance with the beat of the song. I was in ballet once, it was dreadfully slow.

Eventually other people got the courage to start dancing as well. Everyone was on the dance floor for the slow dance; it is the only dance everyone feels safe performing. I slow danced with Dahlia for all of the slow dance songs that would play that night. So when the slow song ended everyone stuck around now that they didn't have to make a spectacle of themselves getting on the dance floor for everyone to watch and see what he or she is going to do.

I didn't stop dancing unless they decided to play country music. I hate country music that they make these days, if you would call it country. I love that Reba Macintyre, George Straight, Shania Twain, and Josh Turner. Today's country is full of lyrics and beats that belong to a different genre. They thing that just because they add an acoustic guitar that it makes it country, ha! Anyways back to Prom.

When they played the country music I would just go back to the punch and drink cup after cup. Dancing in a tux is a whole lot different than booty shorts and a tank top. I got hot a lot easier, which always makes me thirsty. Cashmere doesn't like country music either, so she would join me and we would chatter away about the crummy music choice, or gloat about our dancing, or make fun of the people trying to do what we do best.

Over all I had the time of my life, dancing the night away until that moment of the coronation of the Prom King and Queen.

"If I could have your attention, I would like to announce the king and queen of this Prom." Our principle spoke into the microphone. "I am pleased to announce that this years Prom King is..." he flipped open the envelope "CATO MONROE!" He climbed the stairs onto the stage and accepts his scepter and crown. Of course He would win, out of all the people he does deserve. I was happy for him, I truly was.

"If I could have your attention once again," the entire crowd went dead silent. "I would like to announce the Prom Queen."

The 2014 Prom Queen is…Peeta Mellark!?" the principle said in disbelief.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't believe my ears. I felt myself blush and tears welling up in my eyes. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and disgusted. I was embarrassed because I was the center of attention, and for once I didn't like it. Humiliated because no matter how hard I try, I am still a guy. I am a guy who likes to wear makeup and were the occasion girly top. I am ten times the man than any other man in this room because I have ten times the balls and they know it. It takes courage to do what I do. No one else has the guts to do what I do, even if what I do is feminine. I know who I am, what I am, and I am not a woman.

I was disgusted at my classmates that wrote me in for Prom Queen. Some sort of sick joke played on me to make me cry or run away. Whatever they wanted from me, they aren't going to get it. I am not running away, and I am not going to show them they can do this. I will make them regret their decision.

I re-gathered myself, straightened my pink bow tie, and sashayed my way up the stage. I tipped down to receive my crown and turned to face the crown.

"Bow Down." I said, causing them to chuckle through the awkwardness.

I went to stand by Him of course for the year book and other pictures to be taken. He extended his elbow for me to take and I slid my hand into the crook before looking up to the cameras. I refused to make eye contact with Him; in fact I avoid looking at him as much as possible. Looking into the crowd, the entire crowd stared at us. There was mixed looks, looks of amusement, astonishment, and aggravation. Amusement from those who made this possible, that much was obvious. Astonishment from those who had no idea, and/or those who just went along with the crowd and voted for me but weren't expecting it to backfire on Him. Aggravation from the Prom court would be queens if it hadn't been for me. Well I say fuck them all.

"It's time for the annual Prom King and Queen Dance; student's please give them room and be respectful to your new royalty." Principle said, marching off the stage and into the backroom along with some of the Teacher-Chaperones.

He guided me down the stage steps; I kept my stone cold bitch face on full blast. He circled me around to face him, his left hand in my right, and his right on my waist while mine rested on his shoulder. I finally gave in and looked at him. His face was beet red and he kept looking around at everyone nervously. He stood at an awkward distance from me, so we wouldn't be uncomfortably close, this would be strictly formal.

ABBA's Dancing Queen came on, how stereotypical of them, but hey at this point I just want the night to end. We danced modestly, a first time for me tonight, and as we danced we locked eyes. It was as though unspoken words were flowing between our eye contact. I was telling him how sorry am for everything that has happened, while he was doing the exact same thing. The scar of history between us has been ripped open into a fresh wound. Everything was exposed to us, and I wouldn't be surprised to see the crowd making small connections or assumptions.

All of the unrequited love was on the dance floor for display for everyone to see.

I was a fool to think I could ever be strong enough to handle the final straw that broke me. I started to cry as he spun me around. The tears fell as he waltzed me around the dance floor, doing his duty as Prom King. I lost it completely as he dipped me down low at the end of the song.

I ran into the bathroom and locked the stall behind me and threw myself to the toilet. I threw up into the latrine and fell back against the wall after flushing it all away. I sank down to the ground and put my head against my knees and wept. A knock at the stall door made me jerk my head up and practically shout at them that it was occupied. Although they weren't looking to use the bathroom.

"Open up Peeta, we know you're in there, and we know you're crying, and we know you need us." called Katniss' voice.

"What I need is some privacy so go away." I said back.

"Is that an order your highness?" she said mockingly.

"Yeah I suppose it is, you're not even supposed to be in here anyways. Get out before you get in trouble." I said realizing so.

"Fine, but you should know you still have all of your friends, and the He went off some guys because of you." She said. Before turning on heel and leaving.

That boy. The more I sulked in the bathroom, the more I realized that this wasn't how I react to things, this isn't me. I stood up and wiped the tears from my face. There was no since in crying, that would only give them the satisfaction. A temporary lapse in my total bitch control wasn't going to define my night. I exited my stall and fixed my crown in the mirror before rejoining the night.

Through the rest of the night I recovered slowly, but ultimately I had the night of my life, and definitely one to remember. Later on the final songs were played, but by then only a handful of people were left. The Prom King and his date was still here, along with the Prom Queen and some of his friends.

But then everyone left, except for Me, Him and Dahlia. Mariah Carey's H.A.T.E.U. had come on, and Dahlia refused to leave unless we have danced to it. So we danced. That is until we were interrupted.

"Don't you think we should have the last dance?" He said, tapping me on the shoulder.

I turned around to see him with his hand out, a gesture asking for my hand.

"Oh, um…" I said lost for words.

"Absolutely, the King and Queen should have danced all night if you asked me. Goodnight Peeta." Dahlia said leaving.

And then there were two of us, me and Him dancing alone to H.A.T.E.U. He was closer to me than he was when we had a crowd, so close that I could smell his breath and feel the warmth he radiated. I pressed the limits by resting my head on his shoulder, he didn't object. We spun round and round, simply talking.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked.

He looked down at me. "I am doing this for you."

"Why though?" I pressed further.

"Because you have dealt with enough, I figured I could help you out by giving you something you want… namely me." He said.

"I…" I faltered. As much as I hate knowing he is only doing for me, like a charity case, I couldn't rise to tell him to just go away. Simply because I didn't want him to go, ever, and if that meant sucking up my pride for just a few moments I will.

"Hmm?" he said.

"Nothing… Thank You." I said.

"I'm not just doing it because I feel sorry for you, believe me I do, but I am doing this because I want to, I have the right to as your King," he joked. "Mainly because I do care about you, I love the affection you give me, even if it isn't given back. I am thankful for the distance you put between us when others are around, for my sake when I know all you want to do is be close to me…" I pressed my fingers to his lips. I looked up at him, our faces inches from each other.

"I don't need any of that. I understand what you mean. Just like I understand that nothing can happen simply because you don't feel that way. That's okay with me, honestly. You know why? Because simply being around you makes me happy." I said.

"Still, you deserve more." He said, looking across the dance floor, as though searching for something different.

"Maybe so, but you aren't the one who will give me that. There will be someone who will love me as strong as I love you. Someone who can make me happy like you do. Maybe that someone will come sooner or later. Either way you shouldn't concern yourself with me. Live your life the way you want, and I will live mine." I explained.

He looked back down at me. "That would mean I would go on happy while you suffered on the sidelines waiting for your own gay Prince Charming. That is a cruel thing to do."

I put my hand on his cheek, "Who says my Prince Charming has to be gay?"

At this he kissed me. Not the peck on the lips kiss me, but a full on lip battle that was fought gracefully. I can honestly say he took my breath away. Our tongues lashed at each other fighting for control, and I lost, got lost, and was lost in his kiss. His kiss…

I backed off of him when I realized what was happening. He pulled me closer but I tilted my head to the ground, my cheeks a blazing red.

"Why did you do that for?" I asked.

"Because I wanted to." He simply said.

"No you didn't, I know better than that. You did it because I wanted it to happen." I said.

"Can't you see that making you happy, even if it was just for one night, is making me happy." He said. "I don't regret anything, that's how I live my life, with no regrets that is. Everything I do is for a reason, and maybe kissing you was a selfish reason. I want you to be happy tonight, and knowing you were happy because of me would make me happy, and that is selfish of me, when you deserve happiness every day."

"You're hopeless," I say giving up on this argument. I press closer, and he got the message.

The song ended beautifully, I wrapped my leg around his waist as He dipped me so low my crown fell off my head. He brought me up in a snap, face to face. For the longest time we stared into each other's eyes looking for answers that were better left unknown. We separated slowly. I picked up crown and went to my table to gather the rest of my tuxedo. I turned to leave, to see him waiting for me.

"It's time to leave you know." I said, brushing past him. He caught my hand.

"I know." He said. We went outside holding hands, waving goodbye to the chaperones and the Principle. When we got outside, my car was nowhere to be seen. My mother was specifically told to bring my car here, but to no avail she didn't. Lord I hope she isn't on one of her booze binges again.

"Need a lift?" he asked.

"I guess so." I pouted.

He guided me to his Jeep, where I jumped in the passenger seat. He hopped in the driver's seat and let it fly. We sped through the town, wind through my hair. We didn't talk much, he seemed to be a bit preoccupied, but we did sing along to the music on the radio.

We passed my street, where I presumed he was taking me home. I didn't want to say anything because I know he knew where I lived. Instead I just sank back in my seat and hoped that there wasn't a mass murderer underneath that smile. A few miles later we were pulling into a…

"What are we doing here?" I asked, alarmed.

"I just need to check on something, I made reservations for tonight but obviously…" he said getting out of the car and heading inside. I followed him in, I was curious as to what it looked like on the inside. I've never been in there because; well I never really had a reason to.

The inside was grand. A big chandelier dangled from a three story ceiling, while the floor and pillars were of marble. The walls were a creamy color with a faint touch of yellow, and while the light was casted on them, they seemed to glow. There was also a grand stair case the spiraled up the three floors in a wide arc and a receptionist desk where we were heading.

"Um yeah I had a room that I had made available tonight, and I was wondering if I could have a refund or something?" he was asking the lady at the desk.

"I'm sorry sir, we don't have a refunds policy." She said blandly.

"But I'm not even staying there tonight." He said.

"Sorry 'bout your luck kid, maybe next time." She said.

"Fine then, can I have my key please?" he asked in sugar sweet politeness.

"I thought you weren't staying the night here?" she said with a quirk of her eyebrow.

"Oh I don't know I should probably get my money's worth, besides me and my boyfriend need a place to crash together." He said with venom.

Up until this point I had kept silent, but at the mention of the word boyfriend I snorted. He and the Receptionist both looked at me. I turned away, and they turned back to their conversation.

"Babe?" He called.

"Coming Dear." I said, meeting him at the staircase where he wrapped an arm around my waist and threw the receptionist a look over my shoulder.

~xXx~

"I don't suppose you object staying the night here, do you?" He asked me.

"I'm fine," I said.

God this night has been a whole lot to take in. Prom Queen, the Prom King, the Drama, the Scandal, the Lies, the Trickery, everything. Now the Prom Queen is all alone with the Prom King in a Hotel meant for someone else.

"Complimentary Champagne?" he asked handing me a small bottle of the stuff.

"Are we even allowed?" I asked.

"Everything in this room was paid for by me, so yes it okay, whether it is illegal for us or not, is not our fault. The hotel is the one who stocked the mini fridge, and they are the ones who gave this room to minors. So my question is, why not?" He said.

"Why not?" I toasted raising my glass to clink with his.

He flopped down on the bed beside me, keeping his drink align so it would spill. I leaned back with him, resting my champagne on my stomach.

He sighed. "What a night."

"You're telling me." I say.

He took a swig and I followed suit. I looked over at him and study the contours of his face. He looked at me.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be you, did you know that?" He asked.

"I'm pretty boring." I said honestly.

"You are anything but ordinary, the crazy you stuff you do every day, the clothes, the makeup, the dancing all the time, and all the sassy you serve the school. You are by far the most interesting person in that school." He said.

"Oh, stop you're making me blush." I joked.

"It's true!" he insisted.

"Well its' just me being me. All of that is who I am. Even if I am the Prom Queen let it be stated that I don't feel like a woman, I don't want to be a woman, I just like to do woman things." I said.

"So no sex change?" he teased.

"Shut up." I said punching his arm.

"I don't know, you would look might sexy as a woman, I'd think I would have a round with you." He said joking, I think.

"My, my mister, are you flirting with me?" I teased.

"So what if I am?" he said, rolling over, to where he was towering over me. With each arm on either side of me, he formed a cage around me, as if daring me to try and escape.

"It's something you shouldn't do," I shot back.

"Something like this?" he said, before advancing on me. He pressed his lips softly against mine, I felt a spark dancing across my lips, once again he took my breath away, but I quickly recovered. This time I pressed back, returning the favor as I felt his breath leave his body. His eyes widened at this experience and he pressed further.

I let my hands wander places they shouldn't. I let them unbutton his shirt one by one and caress the smooth planes of muscles on his torso. I let my hands rip of his shirt while his hand went to work on mine. I left his bow tie on him; however I loosened it for his.

I lifted up so he could take off my shirt, and I wrapped my arms tightly around his back, never breaking our kiss. I barrel rolled on top of him, and pinned him to the bed. I broke the kiss to let him catch his breath, and give him time to reconsider what was about to happen. My hands slid slowly from his wrists, to his elbows, to his shoulders, down his chest and abs, to his belt. I rested my hands there, and stared at him. He looked at me as if to ask what you are waiting for. So I advanced onwards.

I tugged at his belt and pulled it off of him. His hands rested on my hips, as I unzipped his pants, and pulled them down slowly to reveal a tight pair of red undies. I lifted my bum and pushed his pants down to his ankles, where he wriggled out of this. I looked at his impressive bulge, and then looked up at him, and then back at his big bulge. I gently slid his underwear down to mid-thigh and saw his semi- hard man piece. I goggled at his bit, and I looked at him again just to be sure he knew what he was getting himself into. He gave me an unapologetic look, and I went down.

I did my best work on him, I tried extra hard to give him the time of his life. I wanted him to loosen up all the pent up stress and let go of all the doubtful thoughts in his head as to why he was here doing the deed with a gay man. From all the moaning and sighing I was hearing I'd say I was doing a bang-up job.

I didn't resurface much, I was trying too hard to get it all inside to ever worry about breathing. My tongue slid up and down, and swirled around working overtime. My lips tight and my teeth were nowhere to be felt. I was really going ham on him when he grabbed my elbow.

I looked up at him, and he had a look in his eyes as if to say all in good time. I lifted me off the floor and back on to his lap. His hand fell to my pants and he pulled them off my body, with a little help from me. He literally tore my underwear off of my body, and rested his hands on my newly bare waist. He pressed me against his groin, and I could feel his rod on my backside, the message was clear.

I rolled over onto my back, bringing him with me. I surrendered myself to him ever so willing to let anything and everything happen. He reached across me to retrieve his bill fold where he pulled out a condom.

"Allow me." I whisper sensually. So his stood prostrate on his knees on the bed. My legs were on either side of him, and they didn't shift one bit when he lifted me into a sitting position. I was at eye level with his crotch, so I put the unwrapped condom in my mouth and grabbed his shaft. Aligning the condom in my mouth I slid down his shaft, finally reaching the base of his cock, effectively putting the condom on.

I lay back down on my back and he lifted my legs onto his shoulders. He pulled the covers over us, surrounding us in the white duvet. I stared into his eyes, and I when I looked at him I saw something beautiful, he was beautiful. I completely surrendered to his every whim. I will admit that when he put it in I cried. It hurt really badly, but I refused to stop, at this point everything was fragile and one recant would break everything.

Eventually I loosened up and was put in the groove with the motion of his hips. He went slowly, as he could I was in pain (there was no hiding it), but when he had breathing room, he went hard. And he didn't stop. I screamed out in joy. I moaned in pleasured. Waves of euphoria washed over me as he pounded my g-spot repetitively. Wave after wave in sync with the motion of his hips, I've never felt this way before. I locked my legs tightly around his waist, and refused to let go.

We both could sense the climax approaching both his and mine. If it wouldn't have been for sheer will power, I would have come twice over, but rode it out waiting for him. His hips bucked at a breakneck pace, he was relentless in the satisfaction he was giving me. Finally my will broke and I let it all go, all over the duvet, my body, and his body.

That was when he broke, and was sent over the edge. His final thrusts made audible by his grunts, as he released. In this moment I involuntarily arched my back from the sheer force and joie de vivre.

He pulled out and fell on his back by my side.

I sighed and rested my head on his chest and pulled the duvet over my shoulders, drifting off to a blissful dream.

~xXx~

I woke with a stream of light peeking through the curtains. He was nowhere to be seen, but on his pillow was a rose, a message.

Following that weekend I went back to school for a month. Nothing had changed. I still saw him in the hallways and I still wanted him. But I made no contact whatsoever, except for the occasional eye contact that came with a smirk on both ends. I was as happy as I was that one faithful night. I will always be that happy when I see him. Every time we lock eyes I am reminded of that night, and that will always leave a smile on my face.

I knew there were boundaries that couldn't be crossed and limits that should never be reached. I never made an attempt to do so. He made me the happiest person alive, now it was my turn to make him happy, and he was happy with the way things were, and giving him that was the least I could do.

Graduation came, an then we all left for the summer. I didn't see him that much over the holiday, but when we did, I couldn't help but smile to myself. The summer holiday passed and I was heading off to the college of my dreams.

It was time for me to start a new, in a brand new place, on my own. So I packed all my belongings into my itty bitty car and headed 73 miles away from the place I called home. The journey was symbolic, as I left my house, my home, my old life in the rear view mirror. I opened the sunroof and waved goodbye to no one in particular.

~xXx~

Parked, I gathered all my stuff out of the car and wheeled it away on my suitcase. I toted my belongs around the winding path to Garver Hall, where my dorm was located according to this paper sent to my house weeks prior to my arrival. Garver Hall was huge, I traveled up three flights of stairs and made a right turn and walked down the hallway near the end to the dorm title "313". I paused outside my door and took a deep breath. I turned the knob to my new house and entered.

A familiar blonde smile greeted my own.

* * *

**The end of a revolutionary love story. With that said, I hope you loved the story of my own love life!**

**Remember that this chapter was completely fictional, but the rest of the story wasn't**

**I send all my love to the readers and reviewers of this story**

**XOxXx,**

**Crystal Heartlace**


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